Hello.
I've started this blog so that i have a way i can talk about my frustrations and happiness without having to talk to anyone specifically. theres some things you just feel like getting off your chest without telling anyone or sharing with any one person specifically. so... here goes.
i'll start with some backround.. i am 23 and married to the love of my life. my husband and i have been together for 6 years off and on (mostly on) since oct 2006. we were married in january of 2010. god blessed us with a beautiful baby girl on december 21 2011.
We had finally gotten life right. we finally started working together, being responsible... being loving towards each other... not fighting... having an amazing life together and especially with our little girl! splitting up is no longer an option.. off and on is no longer an option.... we were finally doing things right this time!
now my daughter is just about 5 months old. and me and my husband are starting to not get along.. so i guess this is a venting frustration blog. i love this man more than anything in this world. i do everything possible to make him happy... i try so hard on our relationship.. this past month has been a disaster.. i have found out several things that he has done knowing how it would hurt me and make me upset.. and i guess this is the thing that broke the straw on the camels back...
he found a car for $250... honda eg hatch shell... doesn't run... so he was going to buy it and turn around and sell it to the scrap yard for $450... that makes us an extra $200... mind you... we do not have much money... we live paycheck to paycheck and in my parents basement. i'm not working right now bc we can't afford daycare. so every penny extra we can make we need to. we need to save anything that we can so that our family can get out on our own and have our own place. its not easy to do esp in today's world... so anyways i tell him that i think its a great idea so he buys the car... and 3 days later he still hasn't sold it to the junk yard. do you want to know why? because he has decided to keep it and make it a project car because he has always wanted a car like this.. so we now have 3 vehicles that we dont need. more money we are now going to have to spend a month for insurance on the thing... and plateing the car... and he continues to think it is a good idea. i want a better life than this for my family. i understand i am not the one working right now but i have been in the past, most of the time, the main financial income... now he is and he thinks he can just do whatever he wants. just another thing he is doing that he knows is going to make me mad and does it anyways... if i was going to stoop to his level and do that... do things even though they are going to piss him off... we would have no relationship... not a good one anyways... for a while he was trying so hard to do the right thing all the time and now its like he has just thrown all of that out the window. with each thing even that has led up to this. we have been fighting bad about this ever since he changed his mind... $250 might not seem like alot of money to any of you... but it is to us when we never have money. i have been selling my belongings lately to try and make us money that we can save and put back, i have also been trying to create different things to craft/make to make money to help out... but everytime i save money back he decides to use that money on bills and use the money he makes on whatever he wants... i'm starting to break... i'm crying all the time... i'm not happy... and i dont know what to do... i try talking and he doesn't listen and then i let myself get to the point where i am screaming at him... and i know that's not okay... that's one thing i know i need to work on... i just wish every once in a while he would listen to me. i am alot smarter in financial smart decisions... idk if its because of how we were brought up or what... but i am... and he knows that! he just continues to ignore it. i have decided that i am not going to speak to him for a while because he just keeps hurting me and not listening to me ne ways... but i'm not sure what good that's going to do. why am i the one that has to let everything go... letting him keep making mistakes and being okay with it? why am i the one that tries to make him happy when he knowingly makes me miserable... i'm sad. i wish things were not this way... i wish my happiness meant enough to him that he wouldn't do it just because he knows thats what would make me happy! not even just financially. i'm lost. i need help but at the same time i dont want the help bc i'm tired of needing it! i just want things to be normal... we live in my parents basement for crying outloud... if we have $250 to spend on a car that doesn't even run... then why are we still elaving here? we should have to money to get out right?! ugh... i guess that's my venting for the day... i think it helped... i stopped crying for the length of writing this blog... so it had to help a little right? thanks for listening..
*me*
